image from The Messy Chef, via Flickr
I had a great idea: I’ll make my own almond butter. It’s cheaper, fresher, no mystery ingredients- nothing but positives! Upon consulting several how-tos, the general method seemed easy enough:
1) Obtain roasted almonds.
2) Put almonds into food processor.
3) Almond butter!
The missing part of the method is: a GOOD food processor.
I bought some already-roasted almonds. I tossed them into my food processor, added some cinnamon, and started it up.
It smelled great. The consistency of the almonds became like almond meal. From what I’d read, all I had to do was wait until the almonds “released their oil,” and it would be done.
Except, as I’ve found out,* my food processor is a piece of crap. The almond meal in the bottom 1/4″ of the bowl continues to spin around, while the remainder stays firmly caked along the sides.
I tried adding a little honey to break it up.
The bottom spins, the sides stay caked.
Maybe I just need to add a little canola oil.
The bottom spins, the sides stay caked.
I scraped and scraped and scraped the sides with a rubber spatula.
The bottom spins, the sides stay caked.
The almonds have now been on the best carnival ride of their short lives, but all I’ve got is a lumpy, oily, nearly-solid mass of almond meal.
Realizing the experiment was a complete failure, I did the only thing I could do:
Not exactly spreadable
Of course I shaped my lumpy, clay-like almond “butter” into a middle finger. I am a sculptor, after all.
*This is the second failed attempt to make something in this food processor. The first was “just throw frozen bananas in, and you’ll get creamy ‘healthy ice cream!’” Bullshit.
{ 1 comment }
Alas, poor almond butter. I knew him once.
I was deathly allergic to peanuts when I was a kid, so Mom made me almond butter and jelly sandwiches. They were great, but almond butter was very expensive.
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