What You Waiting For?

Do the dishes.
Do the laundry.
Make bread from scratch.
Make sorbet.
Take care of that thing with the health insurance.

These are all good, valid tasks, but I’m using them for procrastination purposes, and I’m fully aware of it.

I have a painting in the other room, waiting for me to finish it. It’s good- damned good, maybe one of the best I’ve done so far. Something in me keeps me from finishing it. That something is a small voice saying “why does it matter whether you finish it? Art is not a ‘worthwhile pursuit.’” By doing other, “acceptable,” things, I can put off working on a painting that this voice says isn’t worth doing anyway.

I know this is fear talking. I’m scared, all the time, and I don’t even know what of. I know I have talent. I know that I am strong, and smart, and can accomplish crazy-big things…if I could just get all the parts of my brain to work together for once, instead of fighting each other.

Hopefully, this post will serve as the brain anxiety dump that I hoped it would, and let me just go do something not “worthwhile,” already.